I was made to watch my wife being raped; I can’t touch her again

I am man in my late 30s, a father of two
boys, I got married five years ago and I
loved my wife dearly. We met when we
were in school, I knew she would be my
wife the first day I met with her, so I did
not ask her to date me, rather I asked her
to be my wife. She did not hesitate to
accept my proposal because she told me
she felt the same way about me that very
first day too.
Our friends envied us when we fulfilled our
promise to each other by getting married.
Some of our friends actually confessed
that they felt the day would never come
and we might not get married. But to the
glory of God, our day of joy was a glorious
one.
Our almost similar backgrounds might
have been responsible for our
determination to make things work,
especially our marriage and the home we
intended building together.
I am a product of a broken home. My
sister and I were raised by my mother. Her
situation made me determine to work hard
to take care of my immediate family and
also take good care of my mother.
My wife was raised by her mother, but not
because her parents were separated or
divorced; her father died when she was
still a baby. Although she tried to go into
another relationship, which did not work.
So she decided to be alone.
Probably the need for a complete family
was our drive; we tried all our best to
make our home what we wanted. Things
were going as we planned until a fateful
day about 18 months ago when my cousin
who lives in the United Kingdom came to
Nigeria and stayed with us.
On this day, my cousin travelled to our
hometown to see his mother. We finished
dinner late and after making sure that our
boys were fast asleep, we retired into our
bedroom. The television set in our room
was on, that was the reason why we did
not hear the armed robbers until they
banged the door of our room.
To say I was shocked would be putting it
mildly because we were not expecting
anybody at that time of the day and if my
cousin was going to come back, he
wouldn’t have come into the house at that
hour off the night. The door was not
locked, so they gained entrance into the
room without trouble.
When we discovered who they were and
their number, I asked my wife to lie low
and decided not to struggle with them
because they were fully armed with guns
and other dangerous weapons.
They asked me to produce my cousin who
just returned from the UK and I made
them realise that he wasn’t around. To
confirm my claim, two of the robbers
stayed with my wife in the room, while
four of them took me round the house.
When they discovered that my cousin was
not at home, they relocated our children
from their room to ours. They carted away
all the money we had, some electronics
and all our handsets. As they were about
leaving, the leader of the gang said he
wanted to have sex with my wife. I begged
him, and my wife did too. When I made a
move to save her the other members of
the gang beat me up.
He asked them to stop beating me and
said my punishment would be more
severe. They made me watch as he raped
my wife in the presence of my kids and
two other members of the gang.
The act lasted for few minutes, but they
were the worst minutes of my life.
I still cannot get this scene out of my
mind, even up till now. Since then, I have
not been able to have sex with my wife
and this fact is already causing problems
in my home. After the incident which we
are yet to discuss with any other person,
my wife saw the doctor; she took series of
tests, HIV test inclusive. She was certified
negative.
But I really cannot have sex with her
again. I have come to realise that this is
killing her. But I just cannot! I have tried
several times but I cannot hold an
erection. Please, help me. Like I stated
above, I don’t want to lose my home and
family. I know I need help, but I don’t
know where to seek it from.