Skip to main content

After divorce things you need to know.

If you thought dating was traumatizing when you were younger, we have some news for you: the modern dating scene is an absolute nightmare. In a world where an infinite number of options is just a swipe away, it's easy to feel overwhelmed or exhausted. That's doubly true if you're reentering the dating scene after a long hiatus.

If you thought you were done with the whole dating scene, only to suddenly find yourself back in the pool after a bad divorce or breakup, dating can seem incredibly daunting. But don't worry - we've got you covered. Here's how to enter the dating game again, after you've spent years happily (or unhappily) benched.

1) Remember you're not alone.

The most important thing to remember is that you are not a failure, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Divorce is really, really common: according to the American Psychological Association, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the U.S. divorce. More importantly, divorce is not a bad thing. You were in a situation that clearly wasn't working, and now you're not. So, while the process of divorce can often be incredibly painful and traumatic, more often than not the byproduct - that you're no longer in an unhealthy relationship - is ultimately a good thing.

2) Confidence is key.

Going through a divorce can be devastating. Many men experience a huge dip in their confidence, and the idea that someone new could ever be interested in them may seem impossible. That's why maintaining a positive self-image post-divorce is crucial.

"Confidence and good self esteem is everything, especially in the dating scene," says Kristie Overstreet PhD, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. "When you are talking to a woman, remember that she is choosing to continue to talk with you. Don't come off as too full of yourself, but it's okay to be a little cocky. Woman are attracted to men that are sure of themselves, not full of themselves."

3) Keep it light and positive.

After a divorce, it's not uncommon for there to be lingering resentment and negativity on your end. But a first date is not a good time to air your grievances about your ex.

"You'd be surprised how many people neglect this, but you should not talk badly about your ex, or even at all, on a first date," says Erika Gershowitz, a professional match maker with Three Day Rule matchmaking services. Keep the conversation light and optimistic. Avoid touching on deep-seated issues that can cause an unnecessary conflict right at the starting gate.

"Think of your life now as a clean slate," says Overstreet. "Dating gives you the opportunity to get to know women. You want to make [the conversation] about them, not you."

Related: 13 Mistakes That Will Tank Your First Date

4) Yes, you have to get online.

The rules of the dating game have changed a lot since the last time you played, "and you should own and accept that," says Dershowitz. "You will probably make mistakes, but it's important for you to be forgiving of yourself."

The first thing you should do when you're ready to get back in the game? Suck it up and get online. Online dating is now completely mainstream, to the point that an estimated 15% of Americans have used a dating app or website at one point, according to 2016 data.

To create a dating profile, make sure you "have a balance of your interests, hobbies, bucket list, and life goals," suggests Overstreet. It also must be said that you should take special care when choosing your photos. Make sure they are clear, appropriate, and show how well-rounded you are. If in doubt, ask a female friend for honest feedback.

5)Pace yourself.

Many recently divorced people truly do see this as a new opportunity and are ready to embrace it, and that's wonderful. But pacing yourself is key. You don't want to jump back in the pool before you're emotionally ready, and you definitely don't want to get burnt out, either."There is nothing wrong with going out and having fun, but you don't want to get a reputation as a player, either. You don't want to be in the business of hurting people," says Overstreet.

Dating should be fun, and you shouldn't be looking for anything super serious right off the bat. Being honest and up front about what you are looking for will determine the right person to date at the right time.

Comments

most read

Tricycle Agreement form/Higher purchase

BETWEEN NAME HERE…………………………………………….OWNER of Aba North L. G. A. Abia State. AND NAME HERE…………………...……………………….HIRER of Osisioma L. G. A. Abia State. IN RE: CARTER MOTORCYCLE WITH REGISTRATION NUMBER KGE822 VALUED AT FOUR HUNDRED AND TEN  THOUSAND NAIRA (N410,000.00) DOCUMENTED BY: CHIKE EZE DANIEL ESQ., OF CAR HIRE & CO.,  IHDULE CHAMBERS, 8 AFIKPO ROAD, ABAKALIKI, HIRE PURCHASE AGREEMENT made this …………………………. day of …………………2014 BETWEEN NAME HERE of Chukwudi Umoh, of Aba north L. G. A. Abia State.  Nigeria (herein referred to as the “OWNER”) of the one part. AND NAME HERE of Azuiyiokwu Inyimagu,  Osisioma L. G. A. Abia State. State of ...

Ebiripo: one of the best Ijebu Food

In spite of the fact that most of the Ijebu foods are tuber-related such as Ikokore, Ojojo, Ebiripo etc, the process of cooking these tuber varieties with special sauces makes them nutritionally rich and appropriate for all occasions. Ebiripo is a typical Ijebu cocoyam meal that can be cooked in various ways and spiced up to make a balanced diet. Cocoyam is purely carbohydrates and poor in other nutrients but many have now found ways to make the roots nutritious by adding soya beans while making Ebiripo. According to a study by Sowonola O. A. Et al, from the Federal College of Agriculture, Moor Plantation, Ibadan, Oyo State, “The combination of cocoyam and soyabeans in the processing of Ebiripo will bring about nutrient complement ability”. They submitted in their findings that Ebiripo fortified with 40% soya flour was significantly 28% higher in protein and 8.4% higher in fat than the other Ebiripo samples. Ingredients needed for a Nutritious Ebiripo Cocoyam Soya beans Ground fresh P...

Fani kayode in support of corruption.

Fani – Kayode’s statement =“I have just spoken to Colonel Kayode Are, the former D-G of SSS during President Olusegun Obasanjo’s administration and the former Acting National Security Adviser to President Goodluck Jonathan and I am deeply concerned. He told me that his house is under siege and that gunshots are being fired at him and his family as we were speaking. “I am not sure what the issue is about but a situation where security men go to the home of a respected patriot like that and start shooting at him and his family for whatever reason is unacceptable and extremely dangerous. When you consider what is happening in Are’s home and marry with the shameful manner in which Colonel Sambo Dasuki, Chief Raymond Dokpesi, Governor Attahiru Bafawara, Alhaji Bashir Yuguda, Nnamdi Kanu, Godswill Orubebe, Bukola Saraki, Sule Lamido and others are being persecuted, threatened and demonised by the Federal Government it is clear that we are now in a police s...

REASONS WHY THEY HATE BOLA AHMED TINUBU

They hate Bola Ahmed  Tinubu , because he is a child of promise and a child of destiny , whose entire political career is marked by consistent and unassailable conquests over anti - democratic forces , military dictators and their civilian apologists , retrogressive elements and the evil marauders in the corridor of power , who occasionally pretend as friends but could not hide their character as sworn enemies when the chips are down . They hate Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu because he is a man of definite purpose , a visionary per excellence , a political leader extra ordinary  , whose doggedness and strong convictions will never allow him to be compromised in the collective struggle to rescue Nigeria from bad rulership and misplaced governance . His intimidating political profile and highly expansive political network that has continued to give his opponents sleepless nights . This was the man that was nationally acclaimed as the ‘ Last Man Standing ’ , being the...

TENANCY AGREEMENT FORM

Footprint properties of which one of its vacant room/rooms is to be let out situate at(address) example; plot 15, Akintonde Rd. Ogun State of Nigeria (hereinafter referred to as the “landlord”) the one part and Mr./Mrs. …………………….. a native of ………....…………….. (here-in-after referred to as the “tenant” of the other part 1. In consideration of the rent and the tenant covenants hereinafter reserved and contained the landlord hereby demise unto the tenant the premises known as one two room(s) and situated at the above address with the appurtenances their to (Hereinafter called the demised premises ) for the ……………………… day of ………… 20 …. And in payment of one year rent. a. To pay all charges in respect of electricity consumed upon the premise and in default should pay the penalty ...